I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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