So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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