Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize