i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
