Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
