It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I can't turn off my feet"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
