thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Randomize
