well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
she smelled like a LAN party
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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