I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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