Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
