I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
