i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
