The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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