I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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