Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
