mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
