Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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