This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
