When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
