So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
