I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
