Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
