remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
