Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I stole a fireplace last night.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
