I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
