Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
