Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
