Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
