I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
