i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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