i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
