My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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