We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
