Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
