dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
