Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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