I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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