He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
