I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We don't watch enough power rangers
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
