Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
