I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
