My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
