So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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