You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
