I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
