WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
