So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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