all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
