gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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