Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
