my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
