There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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