My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
