That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
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She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
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i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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