shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
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i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
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being pregnant is like rehab
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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