If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
