she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
