I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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