I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
