We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
