The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
you made out with another girl for some wings
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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