I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
