At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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