WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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