broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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