I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
as a side note pls kill me
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
