My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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