the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
