I'd wear matching sweaters with you
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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