Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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