covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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